Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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