So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
