cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
someone owes me an orgasm
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
