no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
