all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize