Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
