Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
