If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
