Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
