She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
