Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize