you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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