you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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