I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drake has all the answers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My vagina just clenched in fear
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
