My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
