Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
