what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
