What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
