i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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