**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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