Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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