sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
