just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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