Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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