and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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