just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
