You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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