she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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