Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize