What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
