ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
