Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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