Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
