Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
