Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
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May the power of my ass compel you!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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