I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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