we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
