get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
wow bdsm is so cute
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
