made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
