So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
