i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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