big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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