So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
