Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
