I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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