i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
