Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
