I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
