Cold hands, warm shart.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
