we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
