Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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