I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
