i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
