Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
