dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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