Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize