tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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