I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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