none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
