Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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