I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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