she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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