6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize