i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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