u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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