why didn't you poke me back
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They took my balls.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
