at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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