he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
