barbara walters just said penis...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
