i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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