Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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