we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
