Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
