my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
