Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
