Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
