i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
