he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
