I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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