I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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