So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
