Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
