That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
how drunk are you?
Several
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
