How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
