# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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